...Your Love's Disease...

gothicfey @ 2006-04-17T16:45:00

2006-04-17T20:46:39Z

This journal is becoming deceased.
I have a new one.

Byebye

Easter Sunday..

2006-04-17T13:27:28Z

Yesterday I can truly say that I had a good day.

I went to Gabi's and god...Gabi, I love you and your family so much. You guys are angels =) They had invited me over for Easter Sunday cause my family wouldn't be home and my grandma doesn't care enough to invite me =) Don't you just loev relatives?

So the Easter bunny visited me there ~blush, grins~ I feel SOSO loved! Heh chocolate! Woot! And we watched Howl's Moving Castle which is just a phenomenal movie, no doubt about that. Then we had dinner and then Gbai and I walked around the block and we went upstairs for a bit and looked at stuff on her computer...and then I went home cause yeah..I needed to sleep...

But bleh, that didn't happen. So Heather came over later and we started watching Acropolys Now which we have to do an assignement on for school...Fucking AP ENglish teacher. THe MOVIE sucked. We didn't finish it..We still would have had about...1 hour and 10 minutes left at 12:45. Psh. not happening...

My mom and sisters are coming home today...I'm really really excited...excited to the point that I don't know what to do..save I do know what to do...and i have to do it before 2:30.

*Get rid of the garbage from that party.
*Put on a load of laundray
*Clean my room some more.
*Finish Pysch homework.

Bleh..not fun.

ooh and I actually turned in my Humm 222 class assigment or whatever that class is called..I turned it in late...damn I hope she accepts it.

gothicfey @ 2006-04-17T01:54:00

2006-04-17T05:57:45Z

I decided to take some advice given to me...

Just a few months ago Sara redid herself...she changed completely over winter break. She came back better.

I changed a little...I couldn't do the full change, but I did some of it.

I am going to do it now...
Yesterday night I spoke to someone who was very persuasive in getting me to relaize something about myself.

So the change is starting witha few things that I've needed to really do for a long time...

*New SN
*New DJ name
*I'm keepin gmy LJ name..I already went through the change on that one.

gothicfey @ 2006-04-16T10:58:00

2006-04-16T14:59:02Z

New Screen name.
If you want it, ask, if not, don't bother.

This hurts.

gothicfey @ 2006-04-15T02:56:00

2006-04-15T07:12:14Z

This is it.
I feel no remose right now, just a nagging pain that I hurt someone else.
However, I was hurt horribly and this person is just too blind to realize what they have done.

However it hurts none the less, but I don't deserve the hate I'm getting from them. ssoo... They are gone from all my contacts everywhere.

Aryn, I love her to death. She is one of the most adorable, sweetest girls and it's been 1 year plus since I started talking to her...we weren't talking as of alte, but things are back together now...we are talking again...an RPG is in the making...two boyos, vampires, and medievalesque Europe...oh, and a plauge.

Tonight Gabi and I held a party. Jason brought the booze, John brought the pot...Gabi and I had cigarettes. A bunch of people came and yeah...we had a good time...by the end the guys broke out the poker stuff and they started to go at it...Bleh. ~grin, tilts head~ oh well, it was interesting!!! =)

Heidi, Gabi, Tegan, Heather, and Nicole, and Javi are just amazing..the boyos? Fun!! Hehe =) wow..I needed that tonight...I dunno i started off as Jason's drinking buddy and then Heidi and I started to share a few beers and yeah ~shrug~ then I stopped...

Oh well...now I'm strung out and can't sleep..but I need to...oh dear...~sigh~

gothicfey @ 2006-04-13T12:14:00

2006-04-13T17:16:27Z

So...I'll start with yesteryda.

Plane flight wasn't thatbad actually. I had a snazzy friend (and he is the SNAZZIEST) to talk to while I was waiting for my conencting flight...I was stuck between two ladies..one who questioned me about my purse numerous times, but she was nice so that's okay, but thre was a dad and two kids behind me who were loud and obnoxious the whole ride ~hides, sniffle~ It was scary!

Dave is getting engaged. Or rather, he is asking her soon and we both know what the answer will be. It's over. But then...it's been over since September. I just held on.

Gabi, Melinda, Nicole, Aryn, AJ, Adam..you were all right. I was foolish.

Noth Carolina was stressful..moreso than it should have been. I remembered too much when I was there..too manythigns that I dind't want to remeber....

Dave- Christmas day I found out he was datinga 14 year old. Whatever.

Robert- He told me he never wanted to talk to me again. Called me acunt and some other things...it hurt but he was a prick.

Nicole- I hurt her more than anything...I never ment to hurt her and yet she is the only one who has stood by me throughout alkl this crap.

My dad's other life- I resented him for awhile because he had been married and had a child...but I can't anymore. I love him too much to be angry

My life- It's going nowhere...or rather, it is..and that is spiraling. not good, but oh well...I've fixed it before, I can fix it again.

I'm home now..thank goodness and I have to clean my room..bleh
I will...byebye

gothicfey @ 2006-04-13T00:00:00

2006-04-13T04:01:53Z

I have a lot to say.
Tomorrow when I am breathing again I will say it.
Tomorrow when I can see again I will say it.
Tomorrow..

For now I'm silently killing him in my head.
Oh those books on tortures have really paid off.

gothicfey @ 2006-04-12T21:44:00

2006-04-13T02:12:35Z

Just let me die.
Please just let me die.
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please

gothicfey @ 2006-04-07T15:54:00

2006-04-07T20:04:25Z

We are here and now, but will we ever be again?

I dunno, that quote really struct me today. I liked it- no, I loved it. I will not "be" again- at least not now..not like I want too. I am forced into existing.

I got my stuff in the mail today. I bought two new skirts and shoes, but the shoes don't fit so I have to go and change them...ggrr ~grumbles~ Bleh..oh well I suppose...

School was pointless...stupid...

Writing club was better- much, much better. thank goodness.

tonight I'm with Gabi..she's ditching her boy for me and I really do feel special. That girl is amazing beyond belief..=)

***

gothicfey @ 2006-04-05T20:53:00

2006-04-06T02:38:33Z

My mommy gave me a card she made today and in it was 50 dollars...an end of the year present for the 3rd grade class.

I will honestly miss helping her every tuesday..I've done it for four eyars...I will miss it..

I tried called Dave today...its over...completely and totally over..I can't do it anymore. I called..he barely spoke to me..I asked if he was busy..he said yes...so I said he could..he won't call...and i probably wont answer..I dont have the energy to do it anymore...

He once told me "No One Will Love You Like I Do..."

I really hope he wasn't right...
but him, Robert, Aryn...all those people can't be so wrong...there has to be something wrong with me...I keep getting left...cut down...

When Robert left me..I was fine abotu it..I just wanted to remain firends...but then...then he became cruel and it go so back that i finally brought my dad into it...
-----
I just seem to pick winners yup.. a whole load of them...Aryn...lets not even get started on her but at least i can still talk to her..we are still friends.

meowmeow.

I'd addicted to BoxedThoughts..yup.
Blame Laura.

gothicfey @ 2006-04-03T16:08:00

2006-04-03T20:12:14Z

I broke down on Saturday night.
I completely died.
So much I had been working for was fucked up so fast.

I came home after being out with my sister and her friend and it was late but I went on th ecomputer and who should be there but dave? and Gabby. He just doesn't fucking care anymore and that pushed me over the edge just a little too much. He KNEW something was wrong but he ignored it..he never did that before...ever. now, now he did.

My leg hurts now..it hurts when the skirt I'm wearing moves against it but I have to remeber to keep a skirt or pants on at all times..at least until I can touch my leg enough to put concealer on it...

I was going on 5 months...5 fuckign months and I lost it.
My school, my future is so at risk if they find out..~sigh~

I can't do this. Oh well. It's not like it matters.
They werent' deep. they will fade, so so so fast.

I just wanted to feel something again.
I'm sick and tired of th enumbness

gothicfey @ 2006-04-02T12:11:00

2006-04-02T16:11:50Z

Promise me to pass the time
Dance with me on Plastic Tears
Kiss me we won't feel alone
Till morning when we disappear.

I'm worried. So fucking worried right now.
I just need an "ok" from this person so I know that they are well.

Is this how people felt about me those times?

gothicfey @ 2006-03-30T19:49:00

2006-03-31T00:56:12Z

I am so tempted to sell my promtickets.
Or just suck it up and take money out of my account for my parents.

I can't get in contact with the guy who is going to go with me...
and you know what makes me feel horrid baout that.
I"M THE BOSS'S DAUGHTER.
Yeah...wtf...I suck.

I really do'nt want to go but yeah...
i love my dress and i want my hair done..

wow I feel shallow.
FUCKING PRICK CALLED ME AGAIN. THIS TIME...THIS TIME HE ASKED ME TO CALL HIM ABOUT 7, 7:30 TOMORROW MORNING TO MAKE SURE HE WAS AWAKE..WHY? BECAUSE HE WAS GOIGN TO BE AT GABBY'S. doesn't he see that this kills me? I can only take so much more of his pain.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-29T23:32:00

2006-03-30T04:38:24Z

Next time I am sensored by someone for being platonic I will just stop talking to them. over the past two days three people have done this to me and I can't take it.

Fuck your sig others...special Dave...I don't give a fuck what Gabby says...You have no right to say what you say to me and then expect me to keep my mouth shut. No right.

bought cloves today...they look pretty. i have an addictive personality. i'm not exactly excited about a new addiction ~sigh~ so I wont do more then look at them for now.

Im such a fucking loser it's not even funny =)

I cant wait to leave this fucking place behind.

i am happy though. Just HURT

gothicfey @ 2006-03-28T18:59:00

2006-03-29T00:07:10Z

I disgust myself
Wes called me last night-
first time in a long long time and said "I don't want to talk, I just want to fuck." And me beiong the loser I am, phone fucked with him...what the hell?

Not a good night...I always feel horrid after something like that happens...

When Robert and I had a thing we would do it but damn, we were together. Sometimes I just hate msyelf.

I made the pink and black hairfalls last night and they turned out amazing. I made them as a birthday present for a friend who had wanted a pair but I don't think she liked them...They took so much time too ~sigh~

The other girl loved hers though. I got 20 bucks for them =) Very very excited! Woot! Hahah ~grins~

Today was a good day...Alice in Wonderland today for the elementary students. Lovely lovely play. It makes me all happy ;)

MM so yeah..tomorrow is the last showing. Excited, bored, and exhausted of it but hey..I made 5 of the costumes..so I have some personal pride in the show!

No homework tonight except apparently this huge assignment for that college class..Humanities 220 or something or other..~shfity eyes~ Ah well.

*heart

Falling

2006-03-27T22:00:01Z

I have developed another crush which in itself isn't a bad thing except when you pair it with a few circumstances and then it is horrid..

Falling for people via online has only ever screwed me over...with one extranneous case where I horridly screwed over the other person and I will enver forgive myself that. Ever. And the horrid thing is this person still lvoes me...I'm just confused as hell.

I'm still not over Dave, not when I get what I'm getting from his friends...itis just not possible to throw him away. It would hurt way to much. Ggrr I need to grow up.

I'm a silly little girl who fell in love with a boy and for six months I loved him. It is going on seven months now and I still love him but it hurts and I let this hurt go on so I am the only one to blame.

I hate myself for that.

Emily, don't fall for another one.

FUCKING CONCERT

2006-03-27T01:35:48Z

Wow....
Concert.
Orgasmic.
Pictures and stuff beneath cut.

Yesterday night was the Birthday Massacre concert with DeadStar Assembly, Suicide City, and Breeding Through Violence.
Before the show we had fun getting ready..hah

Suicide City was fucking crazy. They reminded me of an old school punk band. The lead singer did a backflip off of the stage to body surf and he crushed my finger ~grumble~ They sounded fun though...the mosh pit that formed behind us caused some pain but oh well =)

*Female guirtarist from Suicide City

Deadstar Assembly was SSOO much better than I would have thought...They did a cover for "Send me an Angel" which was sexy =) And the guirtarist and singer were pretty snazzy themselves.

BIRTHDAY MASSACRE!!! WOOT! ;) Wow...AMAZING live show!! FUCKING AMAZING. They introduced a new song as well which was sexy =) I have no words for it..it was just orgasmic.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-24T18:38:00

2006-03-24T23:54:28Z

Emmi and I watched Gypsy 83. I've seen the movie before and I Love it!!! Damn Kett Turnton is SEXY ~melt~ Hah..yesh well anyway....So glad that Emmi fnially got to see it..

Tomorrow night is the fucking Birthday Massacre concert!!! WOOT! Aly and I are going to guy new shirts...I'm stuck between which skirt to wear...either my black lace one that is a little shorter than knee length or my lolita-esque one I made that goes a little past my knees...bleh..i suppose it depends on the shirt..

anyway...
yeah..so I'm dying the red in my hair purple tonight.
I'll post a picture as soon as possible.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-23T16:50:00

2006-03-23T21:52:02Z

I'm caught somewhere between caring and not caring anymore.

But one thing is for sure.
He didn't need me to get up out of bed at fucking 4 in the morning to look at a fucking picture he sent to me on my phone that I couldn't see unless I was online. And then fall asleep after the fact. I couldn't sleep again until 5. And I get up at 6.

It hurts that the fluttery feeling is slowly dying.
I'd never been so happy as when I had that feeling and when I read those texts.

It almost seems dreamlike now.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-22T19:52:00

2006-03-23T00:54:53Z

Laura and I fought last night and I feel horrid- probably because my guilt complex has been steadily growing as the years go by....Things are better I suppose but she is going away for a few days so who knows..

Dave (fro those of you on myspace he is my #1) is a prick. He doesn't seem to realize how bad he fucking hurts and I keep thinking I can get over it but I can't because I still talk to him and everything...~sighs~ Oh well...I keep telling myself things will work out...either with him or without him..

Nicole- I have feelings for her. I always have, haven't lost them even though I lied to her and told her I nevr felt anything...I regret that.

So I am definitly going to prom now. I'm going with Matt, which will be fun though slighlty awkward...he's using me to mask his parent's false knowledge he is straight and I'm using him to have someone ot take me to prom...we are just fucked up.

Gabi and I have alter egos. I'm Krystal McCorvey and she is Ariana Tombrey. I work as a Morgue and she works at a nursing home. We play these out in public...we are going to play them in school..at least name wise..

again- fucked up...

bleh ~shifty eyes~

hehe...it was a great night though!!

gothicfey @ 2006-03-21T22:04:00

2006-03-22T03:03:53Z

"You are cute, but you'd be beautiful if you worked out."

That hurt so baddly.

Justin made me feel slightly better= iamclams: beautiful to me is something not measured by boobs, ass, or anything like that. It's more of something that when you look at that person, you just can't help but smile, and you're not really sure why.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-20T23:29:00

2006-03-21T04:29:22Z

I haven't updated but I've had no energy to do so.
*Dave is not coming down.
*I am pissed at Laura beyond all reasoning.
*I feel alone.

Pathetic...

Only Emmi has been there for me.
Today I skipped out on work and we rented "Cruel Intentions." Damn good movie..sad though...
I loved it.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-11T10:00:00

2006-03-11T15:07:40Z

Friday night was really good =)
Catie and I went to the Walk and at the bookstore we ran into Carla and Stephanie...Carla is this urberly crazy and funny girl in my PE class and despite our age difference we ahve alot incommon. ~grins~

Well she nearly knocked over a bookcase because she saw me out of the corner of her eye and ran over, fell against the bookcase and the seven managa she had in her hand went flying..hehe..it was amusing..

So we went to Kilwins and got chocolate shakes..something I did not need but well...chocolate is good and i've been excercising everyday...one shake won't kill me....

When Carla and Stephanie had to go we ran itno Laura and Brett...Laura is my anime convention buddy =) We go together..hah because we are dorks!And my "first time for everythign buddy" We went to our first clubs together, we went to Europe together, we went to our first sex store together, our first anime convention together..hah yuup we are odd ducklings. =)

Anwyay...Catie adn I wwere walkign and these guys stoped us and said "what time is it" "9:18" "no..it's sexy time!" We couldn't stop laughing..hehe

mm then we went to Walmart and bought stuff..I can't remeber what...ggrr...and then the Catie-did went home..

About Dave- I think I've given up...I told him not to come down for Prom...his new girlfrind Gabby....he doesn't want to ruin thigns with her and he tells me he still loves me, that he sees himself with me...fuckit...i love him..i do..but I'm not going to wait. if he decides to return and I'm not with someone maybe I'll take him back..but for now...Dave=friend (who I am severly pissed at).

mm so yeah...som epictures under the cut:

(Me looking extremely weird..~hide~)

Hairfalls for Sale!

2006-03-08T03:54:38Z

I AM NOW MAKING HAIRFALLS! (keekek)

Ssoo...
singles for $15.00
Doubles for $25.00

They are made from yarn, ribbon, and specialty yarns
in whatever colors you want.

Here are some examples of a pair in purple and black.

gothicfey @ 2006-03-06T16:07:00

2006-03-06T21:25:44Z

This weekend had it's ups and downs and righ tnow I am sitting at work realizing how crappy and how stupid I have become.

Dave has a new girlfriend- Gabby. She's sweet enough...She's a druggie and alcoholic according to Melinda, though Melinda might just have some unresolved anger because that girl broke up with her best friend on Valentine's day..but I like Melinda so whatever. Anyway...he likes her alot...but apparently he loves me so fuck him. Because when she breaks up with him it will be me he cries too...FUCK THAT. (and the sad thing is...I'll let him...)

But...I have resolved to cool it off...He is still coming down for prom but being that he told her it was his "best friend's" prom he better not expect anything from me other than "best friend." I'm not a whore nor his fucking mistress...and no girl deserves to have their boyfriend cheat on them..sorry.

However....I FINALLY GOT MY LEATHER HANDCUFFS! hehe..I do have a picture of them but I can't post it right now...howver they are so wesome...I got them for 59.00 and a hug to the vendor....It was so worth it =)

Mm..yeah...honestly nothing of extreme excitement has been going on....

I do apologize for such a late update...things should be getting more into the swing of things again..

Oh and I started walking the three miles everyday...it's um...helpful...I think